2012, Nov.

On Tele-orgasmo-capitalism

We can already watch the seams rip as the weight of the future of the industrialized sexual pleasure factory stretches the fabric of contemporary reality. As sexual desire is reoriented towards a system of equivalencies mediated by soft market ideologies in the online chat agoras, the phone, text, image, video based economies are now beginning to be "revolutionized" by the emergence of teledildonic platforms. At the juncture of telecommunications and the sex toy industry there percolates the long imagined fantasy of sharing in sexual intimacy across arbitrary distances. Eschewing complications involving special relativity, it will one day be possible to fuck deck to deck on separate star cruisers drifting listlessly through the outer reaches of the void in search for downtime after earth freezes because of shitty over-heating circuitry. But the real revolution in the sexual pleasure industry will not cum from providing 1-to-1 network services. The orgasmo-information complex will not maintain the face-to-face (or should I say organ-to-organ) intimacy of pre-modernity even if mediated by miles of fiber optic cable. The exchange of pleasure, just like the exchange of all other goods and services will be warped by the forces of economies of scale. Despite the tear jerking "mutual" jerkoff stories used to promote the teledildonic imaginary today, I ask you to imagine an old telephone switchboard staffed by operators. Thousands of plug holes terminals line the walls. But these jacks are not your average 1/4 inch patching points of the 20th c. That's right, in the future you will trunk your junk to a massive cybernetic glory hole staffed by cheap human labor skilled just enough to get you through, if you know what I mean, but not skilled enough to receive any benefits. The busy machine of desire, blinking LED's indicating satisfaction levels, preferences, etc. powered with back up fusion generators, supporting the throws of passion of billions of lonely detached human beings is something you should consider investing in today. It will be aided by complicated timing and compression algorithms to optimize access, reduce flow blockages and increase the liquidity of the new massive market. Personally, I cannot wait until the the topological information used to fully simulate your holo-cock gets so data-intensive that on one especially lonesome night for trillions of humanoids, the servers will fail, their dicks will be suspended lifeless in cyberspace and more likely than not a massive power failure will drain the energy out of entire space colony. But after all the glitches are worked out and the information collected despite the private policy statement is processed and analyzed then finally highly competent, turing certified automated fuck bots will flood the market, and all the underpaid and overworked operators will be laid off without severance packages destined to suffocate in the poorly climatized streets of the future while the ever evolving algorithms of pleasure continue to climb the steep walls of the uncanny valley, adopting the personalizations and nuanced particularities of your wildest and most perverse fantasies, now made easily mappable and rewritable. Yet, despite all this, somehow I doubt we will ever have a robot that can feel joy.


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